I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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