Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
