I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
