I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
