I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We had sex on a dog bed..
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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