question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's rum buckets o'clock
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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