I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
