Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
