You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
