He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
