ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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