I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
