His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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