I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
