I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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