im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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