My underwear smells like fireworks.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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