Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
