6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She said her name was "party"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
