So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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