I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
