So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We had to coat check the pizza.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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