We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
