Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
