In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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