Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
