How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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