This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
