new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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