I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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