; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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