6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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