Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Still dying that you shit outside
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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