Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
