She is in my trunk
Can Purell be used as lube?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
