One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
