Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
