Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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