so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
