whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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