last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
