Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
