Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize