ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Welp...herpes.
only if we run a train.
done.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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