Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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