If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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