i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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