took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
