Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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