I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
