You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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