I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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