my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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