Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
