Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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