I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
