GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
