mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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