I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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