Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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