Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
