I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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