Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
