Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You did what with his pubic hair?
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