I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just gargled with NyQuil
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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