While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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